Does laziness lead to fear or does fear lead to laziness? Why does it feel like a circular problem to me?
In looking at my life and career choices, I see a lot of fear and laziness walled up inside my brain. And I don’t really know where it came from. When I was younger, I was such a “tough cookie”. I would never fucking surrender and I fought for everything I accomplished. Relentless, I suppose. I just couldn’t give up. But then at some point I started cutting corners and avoiding pain, physically and otherwise. And now as an adult, I can see where it seriously affected me.
And I wonder, what the fuck happened?
When did I become so doubtful and afraid?
Sowing the seeds of doubt leads to paranoia and neurosis, both of which I admittedly fall victim to on a near hourly basis (if not more) and knowing this full well you’d think I would have figured out how to work around it by now. And there are times when I do but mostly, it’s a struggle that I cannot quite keep up with. Still working on it…..